Mom's Message

I regret deeply that I must write to you tonight to let you know that my 2nd youngest son, Jason Aaron Tolman, passed away suddenly in his sleep yesterday, January 2nd. He had gone with his brother and several friends to the sand dunes near Yuma to celebrate his 27th birthday, which was also yesterday. He was having asthma problems and they say he was breathing deeply and snoring loudly. He had forgotten to take his inhalers and medicine with him. They decided not to awaken him, but when his brother Ben finally went in to get him up an hour later, he was already gone. Because it was in California they will be doing an autopsy on him on Tuesday which will provide us with more information, and then we will bring him home on Wednesday. As it stands now, we will probably hold the funeral on Saturday morning. We don't know anymore at this time. Jason leaves behind a beautiful and lovely wife, Kelly who just learned she is expecting their 4th child. Jason was so excited when he came out to announce it to me only a few weeks ago. He deeply loved his little three year old son Morgan who went everywhere with him. They were quite a pair and loved being together, whether it was working in the yard, riding quads, cleaning the motorhome, watching TV or fixing the cars. Morgan never left his side. Today Morgan sent his daddy a letter to heaven attached to a helium balloon. His oldest daughter Karsen, was not legally his, but he loved her like his own. The first thing she asked today when she came home from visiting with her father was "Where is daddy?" I had the privilege to be their as Kelly told Morgan and Karson about Jason's passing. It was a sacred experience being in their innocent pressence at that time. Jason's youngest daughter isn't quite one and a half but she was the 'apple of his eye'. Born with gorgeous auburn hair, she has always been "daddy's girl". Jason had just recently been to the Bishop to see about getting his Patriarchael Blessing and he and Kelly had talked with the Bishop about going to the temple to be sealed for all eternity. That was their goal and plan for this new year. For Christmas, they gave me a beautiful temple hankie that Kelly had made with the phrase "Families Are Forever" embroidered on it. Within a year, they will be a forever family! Jason also leaves behind his father, five brothers and a sister, and many nieces and nephews and friends that love him. I can't begin to express how my heart aches and hurts, even though I understand the gospel completely and have a knowledge that Jason still lives and that we will be together again. Mothers just aren't supposed to bury their children! That just isn't the plan! But with reflection, it also makes me want to live a better, more humble life and gives me reason to be a better mother and grandmother. Life is so fragile and I don't ever again want to waste an opportunity to tell those I love how much they mean to me. We never know what tomorrow holds or where the path will take us, and we must live and enjoy every moment. I write, not for your sympathy, but because I want you to know how special you are to me and my family. You are loved. You are appreciated. You are counted as a dear family member or friend. I need you to know that and believe it. May you be blessed and happy! John and I had to leave the valley and come home tonight, but we will be returning back to Mesa on Monday to help with preparations to honor my son and celebrate the life he lived. Kelly and her children, and all of us will be needing your love and prayers and support at this difficult time in the coming week. Thank you for remembering us. With love, Pauline